There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Randomize
