My first STD was from a foam party
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
