i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
