so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
