I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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