If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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