I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
