We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
