But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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