lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I could make wine with my vomit
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
