Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
