too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
