Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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