Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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