Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
