Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
