My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
