Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
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