Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
