I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
