Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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