Where are you?
In a non slutty way
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
