Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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