he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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