The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
