Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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