she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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