4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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