he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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