I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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