8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
