And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
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