I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Randomize