Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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