In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
