Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize