I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
