This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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