Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize