tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
