Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
