I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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