Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
if i can run in heels then i can drive
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
