i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
