I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
