While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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