i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize