Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
