You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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