Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
