She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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