It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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