I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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