I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize