Buhtt sex?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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