Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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