please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
