i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
