i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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