Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
We are two peas in an std pod
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Randomize
