You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
